Lessons

I was told I don’t know how many times throughout the course of my childhood that if I continued to talk back I would get those nasty words washed right out of my mouth. I had been told that so many times that I thought it was an empty threat, a myth, nothing.

I remember the day that I proved that silly theory of mine wrong. I remember that day like it happened yesterday.

It was just another day in the life of H. It was summer and I couldn’t have been more than 5 years old. I was playing in my room and managed to get myself into trouble. I was hiding behind the door of my bedroom and making faces. I had yet another theory that because the door was there she wouldn’t be able to see me. That was before that I realized the mommy had X-ray vision and could see everything, even if she was looking the other way.

She was talking and I failed to listen. I stuck my tongue out at her and got yanked out from behind that door before I could get that sucker back into my mouth.  ”That’s it!! I’m washing your mouth out with soap!”  Whaaaa?? this wasn’t supposed to happen. That soap thing was a myth. What loving parent could ever think of sticking a bar of soap in such a lovely and charming child’s mouth?

See. I’ve had misguided beliefs about my behavior for many, many years. I’m working on that though. Swear.

It looked HUGE and awful. It was quite possibly the biggest bar of soap I have ever seen.

Let me tell you,  soap tastes like crap. It gets stuck in your teeth and makes your lips go a little numb. It sucks and I was pist!

The mommy looked just a little to smug for my liking so I got up a nice lather in my mouth, narrowed my eyes, took aim and spit it right back into her face.  It was in that moment; as it came flying out of my mouth that I realized I made a big mistake.  I knew that I had to run. I had to run far and fast.

She was shocked, I used it to my advantage and bolted for the door.  Without going into the details lets just say we both learned a lesson that day. I learned that when you spit soap into the mommy’s face you get punished severely. The mommy learned that when you stick a bar of soap into a child’s mouth, hold it shut so they can’t spit it back at you.

My Holy Crap Moment

Years and years ago, long before I ever started dating M. I read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Being the book nerd that I am, I instantly fell in love with the city of Savannah and it’s amazing history. I made a silent promise to myself that someday I would get to go to Georgia and experience the beauty for myself.

It was this determination to go that over the course of M and my relationship; Savannah was brought up time and again. By the time I finally got M to agree to go I’m sure he was just going in the hopes that would shut up about it. To give M a little credit and to  be completely honest, I would feel the same way. I sure wouldn’t want to deal with me! I have a tendency to “fixate” on things and I’m sure that can get very annoying.

We were finally going. I couldn’t wait I was so excited. Like a little kid getting ready to go to Disneyland for the first time. I was pumped! We were going over my birthday for a long weekend and seeing how I’m all about birthday’s it really couldn’t get any better as far as I was concerned.

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It was the day before we were set to leave. My brudder was coming into town to stay at the house while we were gone and I had a gazillion things to get done before we left. I get home and M. tells me that he has something small that he got for me as a birthday gift and asked if I wanted it……..hell yes I wanted it!!! I’m all about the early present!

It was strange that M told me I could have my present a day early. M never and I mean NEVER lets me have my presents early. He knows that it drives me crazy but enforces it with an iron fist. Given that I LOVE getting early presents, I was just caught up in the fact that I got it  - I never stopped to think about how weird it was.

I get the bag and open it up. It’s a copy of Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. The first thought that crossed my mind is “oh how sweet. He remembered that I couldn’t find my copy and got me a new one”  I immediately shove the book to my nose and start huffing the new book smell. I’m chattering away telling M what a great book it is and “gosh I can’t believe that you remembered I lost mine.”

He tells me that he told the guy at the bookstore that this is why we are going to Georgia and he gave me a really cool bookmark.  “Really?”

I start flipping through the pages and realize that M got ripped off. This book is defunct, broken, no good!! Someone went through and cut squares out of all the pages. WTF!?!

It’s at that moment that I see the ring. Sitting there looking right back at me. Holy Crap does this mean what I think it means? Is this…  it is.

At this time I’m sad to say that my mind went completely blank. I wish that I could remember all the wonderful things that M was saying but I am ashamed to say that I can’t.  I have the visual but the mute is on. My brain doesn’t kick fully back in until several seconds later at which time I’m crying (which I said that I would never do) and blubbering all over the place making a complete ass out of myself.

I L.O.V.E. that M knows me well enough to  know that by putting the ring in a book it would mean so much.  Even if he had to destroy said book to do it.  It was the most perfect moment.

All because of a book that I read years and years ago long before M and I started dating…..

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